Separating parents – navigating Christmas

Christmas can trigger a mixture of emotions, even more so for families navigating a parental separation. The competing pressures of maintaining stability for the children whilst facing an inevitable change in dynamic and the practical arrangements can be overwhelming.

Different parents navigate this transition in different ways; some try to spend Christmas as a family unit notwithstanding the separation whilst others adopt a "dual Christmas" approach. There is no right or wrong way however there are undoubtedly some steps which separating parents can take to ease the stress of Christmas after separating. 

Plan early

It is never too early to seek to agree the arrangements for Christmas. Whilst it may seem some time away, the last thing that any family needs is a dispute ongoing throughout December. You should seek to plan and agree the arrangements well in advance so that any disagreements can be addressed sooner rather than later. This also has the benefit of minimising the risk of exposing the children to a conflict; the closer it gets to Christmas; the more likely questions will be asked as to who is spending what time with which parent. As below, consistent messaging is key. 

Manage your expectations 

Every family has its own Christmas traditions. Separated parents may be tempted to insist that the children must spend Christmas Eve, Christmas morning and Christmas dinner with them and observe their preferred traditions. Whilst every case turns on its own facts, our experience is that an alternating arrangement will be ordered in the vast majority of cases that reach Court for adjudication of the Christmas timetable. 

As such, the sooner that both parents appreciate the need for a degree of parity when it comes to division of the Christmas holidays, the easier it will be to agree a suitable structure which furthers the best interests of the children. 

Messaging matters 

Something which often becomes a source of contention in the cases we see is where children are told conflicting messages by separating parents. This can be for various reasons and is not always intentional; wires may be crossed where communication is kept to a minimum. Consistent messaging is something which helps to avoid the children being placed in the middle of a dispute and helps to manage what they can expect from their new normal. 

Creative strategies can even drum up enthusiasm for an evolving Christmas routine. At their best, separated parents may be able to conjure a net positive out of a potentially difficult situation. 

Know your limits - what if things go wrong? 

The above steps are of course easier said than done. In any separation, regardless of the time of year, emotions can run high and communication can be a challenge. It is important to understand when you have progressed matters as far as you are able and when you might need the help of third-party professionals. Separated parents should remember that they can draw support and guidance from experienced professionals who have seen good models of separated parenting. 

If you need advice or assistance in relation to a family matter, please contact a member of our family team.